The Lost Art of Mentoring

The New Testament is rife with personal mentoring relationships. Jesus lived with the Twelve – eating, sleeping and traveling together. There are several examples where he retreats from the crowds to intentionally spend time with the Twelve building them up and revealing secrets. Later we see Paul make the same habits, especially with disciples like Luke, Silas, Timothy, Lydia and Philemon. He takes them under his wing as apprentices, personally nurturing their leadership by using his life as an example.

The modern church has abandoned mentoring in favor of education. Dedicated Christians are brimming over with knowledge but no significant lifestyle change occurs. Mentoring was the biblical model to forge an entire Christian life, grown from the example of a credible mentor.

In a recent post, Tom Bandy illustrates the mentoring experience. It consists of five major parts:

• Sharing - Mentors and apprentices share mutually their experiences, temptations, struggles, victories and concerns.
• Habits - Mentors pass on their habits which guard their discipline against temptation, and help apprentices shape habits unique to their needs.
• Accountability - Mentors and apprentices hold each other accountable to their habits and disciplines.
• Action - Mentors encourage apprentices to engage mission through their gifts and calling, reaching out to needy people.
• Acceptance - Finally mentors teach apprentices how to persevere despite failure and shortcoming, because ultimately we are all still broken people, but cannot let our weakness discourage or diminish our strength in Christ.

Committees Will Be the Death of Us!

The website I’m designing (read: finished designing months ago) for my church has been sent to another ad-hoc review committee.  I’m to give them my full cooperation.  The goal of this committee (which is really only myself and one other person) is to do whatever needs to be done to implement the website, and bring it to session for discussion and a vote at that time (assuming session doesn’t refer it to another review committee).

The only thing that needs to be done is for a decision to be made!

Committees encourage dithering.  Dithering essentially means not making a decision, or making an interminable number of baby-steps towards a decision without ever having to get all the way there.  How does this work?

The real point of a committee is to displace authority, but what also happens is they displace responsibility.  Without responsible people, decisions can’t be made.  No one is willing to stick their neck out far enough to claim an idea.  What’s worse, you often have non-experts voting on matters of expertise.  Displaced authority means the people who know best aren’t allowed to act without permission.

A better solution is to create boundaries based on congregational values, beliefs, mission and vision.  A very small set of leaders focuses on clarifying and refining these.  Any new idea is tested against them, and if it falls within the boundaries it’s allowed.  The ones doing it (always teams, never individuals) are resourced and trained for excellence, and work based on their own mission statement and goals.  The mission is evaluated regularly based on these goals, as well as the original boundaries.

Of course, a mission should only emerge out of a person’s sense of calling and giftedness, in regular spiritual fellowship with other Christians.  It’s vital to act together – one of the high points of a committee – but not to absolve responsibility, rather to maintain accountability for spiritual growth, health, and action.

Church Discipline

Discipline is the side of accountability church leaders don’t like to think about, let alone practice. If a church sets boundaries on leadership initiative and a leader steps over them repeatedly, a stern talking-to just doesn’t cut it. You’ve got to back those boundaries with consequences.

The point of discipline isn’t retaliation, it’s accountability. A boundary isn’t meaningful if it isn’t enforced, so odds are you’re doing the transgressor a favor pointing it out. Discuss the infraction and punishment privately first, then make it known only to other leaders. Make it clear the one being disciplined is to be treated with all grace and respect, because it can be a humbling experience.

The punishment itself should never be personal, but the aftermath should be highly so. The goal is to help the transgressor grow through the experience. Being disciplined can leave a person feeling very exposed, which is the most critical time to stay intimately close. Let them know they are loved, and encourage all leaders to do likewise. If some can’t, you’ll have the opportunity to uncover and discuss outstanding conflict privately without a blow-up.